It’s around this time of year, as the smell of barbecues and rain waft through the air, that that I like to cocoon myself from the world of football.
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No longer a donkey lasher |
It’s not that I need a break from watching the game, or indeed talking about it as my wife will testify, but it’s the media talking about it that I get sick of. Starved of the oxygen of actual football matches, they are forced to look elsewhere to fill their column inches. In other years we’d have the luxury of a World Cup or Euro Championship to keep our reporters occupied but in the odd years, we simply get an extra month and a half of feverish transfer speculation. Oh joy. It is the only time of year, apart from a crackpot four week spell after the New Year, when the term, “has long been an admirer of….” is ever used, as if we are talking about some forbidden tryst in a Jane Austen novel. “Mr D’arcy had long been an admirer of Miss Tevez but was certain that his paucity of wealth would hinder any enquiry for her hand.” That and the absence of a decent makeweight striker. Every possible outlet, from local rags to shiny multinational TV companies gets involved, fuelling fires from the Bernabeu to Burnley and all ports in between. Sky manage to combine the two and will gladly force feed you rumours from any level of professional football to blind you with a blizzard of information on an overcrowded screen on the seemingly never ending 15 minute loop of hyperbole that is Sky Sports News. A more apt moniker would be Sky Sports Speculation. They feed you scraps of information about possible transfers from the lower echelons of the league and worse, from far flung corners of Europe, involving players and teams with names that would not look out of place in a sci-fi movie. “Zaphod Beeblebrox completed his big money move to Dinamo Dagobah today.” And you should see them when they get a story from the Premier League™. Talk of Crouch going here and Defoe going there has them in a right muddle (it has been statistically proven that 81% of transfer gossip involves Spurs). Pride of place on the screen goes to our trusty presenters who work themselves into a frenzy, usually with a roving reporter outside the stadium of one of the clubs ‘involved’ answering such gems as; “Do you think the manager of Rovers would be pleased to land Athletic’s star Brazilian striker?”“There’s every indication that he would as he has long been an admirer of the greasy get.” It may be better if they were up front and said, “Of course he bloody would, he scored 60 goals last season, you tit.” It is this desperate need to cram ‘news’ into people’s living rooms that makes me yearn for the cricket field and anything that affords me some respite from the endless rumour-mongering is welcome. With every passing summer, I find myself more interested in those bastions of the stiff, golf (get in the hole!) and tennis (come on Tim!). All I ask our friends in the press is that they show me a picture now and again of some players holding aloft the scarf of their new paymasters and I’ll accept that there will no doubt have been some behind the scenes shenanigans about wages, transfer fees and bungs that preceded the ink being applied to the contract and the snap of the camera shutter. Until that moment, please keep it to yourselves and concentrate on facts.
by Luigi